


Need

by LeoOtherLands



Series: All the Broken Pieces [12]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Art as emotional comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emptiness, Fluff, Just a doodle, Kindness, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 09:16:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: Sai is alone in the dark. He needs something and doesn't know what. Kakashi is there for him.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Sai
Series: All the Broken Pieces [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1386661
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Need

**Author's Note:**

> This is nothing but a stress doodle. It is a result of a mental low, caused by the difficulties of launching a book. Authoring is hard...

When you need to put words to paper, what do you do? You take up a pen and press it to the paper. You smell the sharp sting of the ink in your nose and you watch the back lines overwrite the white surface. Maybe you take comfort in that. In the thing taking form out of the void. Maybe it makes you feel a little less alone, though you know that, too, is a lie. You are still alone with yourself.

But it’s better with the words, so, perhaps that’s all that matters.

I’d always been fond of words. They could make such pretty things out of nothing. Though, they were nothing on paint and canvas. I could create worlds with a few strokes of my brush.

And what do you do when you need to put form to canvas? You take up a brush and pass it over the linen. You smell the thick headiness of the paint invading your mouth, and feel it harden on your skin, while you watch your heart spill out in color over blankness. And maybe that helps, too. Maybe it reminds you you have a purpose, a raison d’être, if only a small one. An insignificance in the whole of the suffering existence.

But your being is better with the paint, so, possibly, that’s alright.

But what do you do when you’re alone and the emptiness comes creeping up on you and the words aren’t enough and none of the half-finished canvases feel right? When you need so that you feel it in every fiber of you and down in your core, but what it is you need is so beyond you, you don’t know how to grasp it. When the brush shakes in your hand and your strokes go astray. When nothing feels right but you can’t grasp what is wrong. What do you do then?

The house ticked around me, the heavy weight of the deserted rooms, wrapped in nighttime shadows, pressing in on me like the feelings I couldn’t name. The faint yellow glow of the lamp at my elbow cast my face in shades of bronze and sable, while leaving the canvas a blend of faded grayscale, melding like running watercolor. Silence leaked into my ears, to pad my mind and subdue the beating of my heart.

I felt cold and confined by the circle of dim light surrounding me. Small. Stiff. As if to move too quickly or too far would leave me at the mercy of some unknown thing. As if the sheer act of moving was too much effort.

My brush hung limp from my fingers, dripping paint, like old blood, on the floor. I let my body sag, as my dark eyes took in the uncertain, unthought out, wavering thing before me.

“Sai? What are you doing up at this hour?”

Kakashi’s voice invaded on my mind and his warmth swelled over me, when his shuffling footsteps brought him up behind me. I glanced up at the older man, still dressed in his _Hokage_ attire, robs askew, hat dangling from his fingers.

“Painting.” This was listless.

“I can see that.” His eyes scanned the canvas. “Hey, that’s pretty good, Sai.” Then his gaze darkened. “That’s not one of your current works, is it? Something you started tonight?”

“Yes.”

I let my attention turn back to the thing. There was no point in denying what Kakashi would see with ease. He knew my moods and my habits.

“What’s wrong, Sai? What happened?”

“You weren’t here.” The dripping of the paint off my brush finally caught my attention, and I moved to replace the brush on the palette. Kakashi’s warmth and his arms came around my narrow chest and stopped me.

“Oh, Sai, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you alone.”

“You can’t be here all the time.” This was truth, but it didn’t stop the tears from falling. From leaking out in bitter salt drops at the feel of him.

“No, I can’t, but that doesn’t make it any easier. What can I do?”

“Nothing. I just… need.”

“Need what, Sai?” His face was buried in my hair.

“I don’t know. Just need, Kakashi. Need you. Need… this.”

“Want to come to bed?”

Thoughts of our bed, the sheets rumpled, the blankets thrown about from my tossing and ultimate exodus came to mind. “Not… yet. Want... Need-”

“This.” Kakashi finished, holding me tighter.

I leaned back into him, closing my eyes and nodding.

Needing. Absorbing.

**Author's Note:**

> This salty ball of angst and glitter is an original fiction author and fan fiction writer, who literally lives for comments and reader interaction. Even if this is nothing but inarticulate vowel screams, lol. He exist on a flotilla of social media, separated into a wide array writery things.
> 
> If you are crazy enough to want to see what I'm writing on any given day, and maybe try tempting me into writing something specific, feel free to join me in my personal writing Discord [Midway](https://discord.gg/jsQw96p), or friend me on Discord at LeoOtherland#7066 if you would rather chat one on one.
> 
> On Facebook I can be located on my [author page](https://www.facebook.com/LeoOtherland/) for all things original fiction, or in the [AO3 Armada group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951) for all things fan fiction.
> 
> On [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RoseOfOtherLand) or [Tumbler](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/leootherlands) I primarily run with the fan fiction crowd and I seldom post and/or tweet anything, but if you want to drop me a line, I am always up for a chat.


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